When
by strwbrygrl77
Summary: Iris' feelings for Barry were buried down deep - now that she had let them out in the open, was it too late? What if he was dead?
_A/N: How could you NOT write fanfiction after the amazing episode of last week? I wanted to hurry and get this posted before this week's airs - although of course this one already is different from what happens on the show! I'm a West-Allen shipper, but I'm happy with the "slow burn" that the show is doing, because I agree that getting them together on the show now wouldn't be the best thing - so that's why there's fanfiction, right? This is my first FLASH story, no flames please. And of course I don't own it - but I love to play with the characters! Enjoy._

* * *

Iris West had always hated the words 'what if'. She was someone who wanted to be in control of her own decisions and destiny, not have it dictated for her – or have someone from the future or another earth tell her how things were supposed to be.

 _Sixteen years ago when Barry had come to live with them, Iris had wondered if her best friend would ever smile again. She didn't know how to make him feel better, how to cheer him up. One night when her dad was tucking her in for the night she asked him._

" _Daddy, I don't know how to help Barry. He's so sad – and mad – and scared. What if he never-" she broke off, sniffling._

 _Joe sighed and tucked some curls behind his daughter's ear. "I know, baby. And Bear's going to be feeling that way for a long time."_

 _Iris frowned. "So how do I help him?"_

" _By being his friend – listen if he wants to talk – or just sit with him and be there if he doesn't."_

 _She shook her head, her eyes filling. "It's not enough, Dad. I can hear him crying in the night after you've turned out the lights-"_

 _Joe reared back in surprise. "I've never heard him."_

" _My room is closer – but when I go check on him, he pretends to be asleep. I know he's not but-" Iris shrugged._

 _Joe pulled Iris into his lap, holding her close. "I don't know of another nine year old girl with a bigger heart than you, baby girl. I know you want to help your best friend – and you've just got to take my word for it that you are, just by being here for him right now. At least he talks to you," Joe chuckled, looking down into her eyes._

" _That's because he doesn't think you believe him about the lightning and the man in yellow."_

" _Iris-"_

" _No, Daddy. Barry doesn't lie."_

 _Joe kissed her forehead. "Get some sleep. Tomorrow's a school day."_

 _Iris frowned. "You don't believe Bear, do you? You think his dad killed his mom."_

 _Joe scrubbed a hand down his face. "Iris, I don't want to get into this with you right now."_

 _She scooted off his lap so fast that her head bumped against her headboard._

" _Baby, are you-"_

" _Good night, Daddy." She pulled her covers up and rolled away from him, closing her eyes and feigning sleep._

 _He sighed and headed for her door, waiting for her to stop him but she didn't. She was just as stubborn as he was and he knew that she could give him the silent treatment for days for doubting her best friend._

 _Iris felt the hot tears behind her eyelids but didn't stop her dad from leaving her bedroom. How could he doubt Bear? She thought that he loved him too, and the simple fact that he was living here in their house was proof that he believed Barry's story of what happened the night his mother was killed._

 _She heard her door open and she lay perfectly still, not wanting her dad to know she was still awake. But the footsteps she heard crossing to her bed were too light to be his and her eyes flew open when her bed dipped and a hand landed on her shoulder._

" _Iris?"_

" _Barry." She sat up and took in her best friend's sleep tousled hair and pale skin. "Why are you awake? You went to bed hours ago."_

 _He shrugged. "I woke up."_

 _She studied him for a moment. "Bad dream?"_

 _He flinched and dropped his eyes. "Yes."_

 _She didn't ask what the dream had been about – she knew. For the first month after he moved in, he had woken her and her dad up with screaming nightmares about that night. She had hoped the nightmares had stopped, but here he was admitting he still had them._

" _You wanna stay in here awhile?"_

 _He nearly jumped off the bed but she grabbed his hand. "I don't think your dad would-"_

" _I don't care what Daddy thinks. Lie down, Bear."_

 _He swallowed hard and stared at her for several moments before she tugged on his hand and he gave in, lying down on top of the bed. She was snuggled underneath the covers and he was on top but the two best friends shared her pillow and before she knew it, Iris felt herself relaxing enough to fall asleep._

" _Iris?"_

" _Yeah?"_

" _I heard you and your dad talking about me."_

 _Iris' eyes opened to meet Barry's light ones._

 _He swallowed. "About how he doesn't believe me-"_

 _She shook her head. "He didn't say that-"_

" _Come on, Iris, you know he doesn't. No one does."_

 _She captured his hand again. "I do."_

" _Why?"_

 _She smiled. "Because you're my best friend. And you've never lied to me, Bear. If you say a man in a yellow suit in a ball of lightning killed your mom, then that's what happened."_

 _He squeezed her hand and closed his eyes. "Thank you, Iris. Someday I'm gonna prove my dad's innocent and get him out of prison."_

 _She grinned. "I know you will, Bear. And when you do, my dad will owe you a big apology."_

* * *

Time marched on and Barry did smile and laugh and enjoy life again – but there was always the shadow of proving his father's innocence hanging over him. The day that Henry was finally released from Iron Heights was one of the happiest days of the Wests and Allens lives – even though lives had been lost along the way to get them to this point.

Iris mourned the loss of Eddie and the sacrifice he had made so that the future would be safe. But she wasn't exactly sure what it was she was grieving for – the loss of Eddie the man, the loss of a relationship, or the guilt of something that should have never started in the first place. Eddie had told her that she and Barry were married in the future, that her name was Iris West-Allen; that it was her destiny to be with Barry, not him. At the time, she had shrugged off his words, telling Eddie that it was ridiculous to take the words of a crazy lunatic meta-human from the future instead of following their own hearts in the present time. And yet, part of her had felt something at the news – something she shouldn't when she was engaged to another man and Barry was just coming out of a relationship with one of her own co-workers.

And she couldn't help but wonder: _What if I'm in love with Barry?_

Then Eddie died and suddenly there were breaches to other Earths, and a new big threat named Zoom emerged, and her mother returned from the dead only to say that she was really dying. It was all too much for Iris to handle and think about her conflicting emotions regarding Barry – so she buried them down deep inside for another time.

* * *

Caitlin bit her lower lip to keep the laughter inside. "You said what?"

Iris groaned and hid her face in her hands. The club music was pulsing around them, giving a sense of privacy, though they still had to speak up in order to hear each other. "You heard me the first time."

"Are you sure you said 'when' and not 'if'?"

Iris nodded and lowered her hands.

"Well, what did Barry say?"

Iris felt flushed and reached for her drink. "He said something along the lines of 'I promise not to do that at the wedding'."

A giggle escaped Caitlin's mouth this time. "And you really said, 'When we get married-'?"

"Sshh!" Iris motioned towards the dance floor. "Here they come-"

Cisco and Barry sidled into the booth and Iris fell silent, though Caitlin continued to giggle, a telltale sign that she was on her way to becoming fully intoxicated.

"Hey ladies – did we interrupt something?" Cisco looked between the two of them in suspicion.

"Nope," Caitlin shook her head, still giggling. "Come on, Cisco, dance with me, before I can't stand up anymore."

Barry's eyes widened and he turned to Iris. _How many has she had?_ He mouthed.

Iris shrugged.

Cisco groaned. "Really, Cait? My feet hurt – that last chica-"

Caitlin shoved him out of the booth. "Come on – we need to practice for Iris and Barry's big day!" she chortled and pulled a stunned Cisco onto the pulsing dance floor.

Iris' head hit the tabletop with a thud as Barry turned to look at his best friend. "Big day? Is there something you need to tell me, Iris?"

"OKAY!" she shouted into the wood before she lifted her head to lock gazes. "I – um- told Caitlin what I said the other night and now in her half-drunk state, she thinks we're engaged."

Barry frowned. "What you said – engaged-" his mouth fell open and closed a few times. "I'm lost."

"You know, last week at the club before Trajectory showed up?" She waited for his nod. "We were watching Cisco and Caitlin dance and I said 'Promise me that when we get married, you won't do that at our wedding.' –"

He nodded again. "Yeah, so?"

"And you said you wouldn't."

"Okay – so?"

Iris blew out a breath. "Caitlin found it funny that I said 'when' instead of 'if' – like I've finally accepted the fact that we're going to be married in the future."

The words hung in the air between them for ten seconds, twenty, before Barry cracked a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "But that's crazy. I know you didn't mean anything by it, Iris. You were just joking around. There's no need to get bogged down by semantics."

She slapped his shoulder. "Will you stop geeking out on me and pulling out the fancy words?"

He laughed. "Sorry – but it's really no big deal, is it?"

She swallowed and willed her hands to stop shaking. Her heart was racing and she was itching to reach up and draw his face down to hers. To finally-

"Of course not. No big deal."

* * *

"Iris, why are you telling me this now?"

She heard the tremor in his voice and saw the vulnerability in his eyes; something that she hadn't seen since the day he had told her of his feelings for her. She felt her hands start to shake again and she longed to close the short amount of distance between them and put her arms around his lean waist but she didn't. She needed to get this said without physical contact and then do the hardest thing she'd ever had to do in her life – walk away and give him time to think. Because that's how her Bear dealt with heavy emotions and issues. He needed to be by himself and sort them through on his own; it was something he'd needed to do when he was ten years old and he still needed to do it now that he was twenty-six.

"Because I need you to know, Barry Allen, that whatever you decide to do, my feelings are for you and you alone. I know that we're supposed to have some incredible destiny and be together in the future and on other earths and yes, you are the Flash, but my love is for you, Bear, and just you. I don't care if you get your powers back or not. I know that we can find a way to stop Zoom without them, together, because that's what we do. I need you to know that whatever happens, nothing will change how I feel about you."

Iris waited for him to nod, to acknowledge that he had heard her words before she slowly turned and walked towards the doorway. But suddenly Barry was in front of her, his eyes bright with emotion. "You're just going to walk away? Without one kiss?"

She smiled at his words. "You are such a-"

His hands cradled her face and her breath left her body as a sense of déjà vu swept over her. She didn't know why or how, since he'd never touched her this way before – or had he? Her legs were turning to jelly as his long thumbs caressed her cheeks. "You are my home, Iris."

"Barry, please just-"

His lips covered hers and she surged to her tiptoes to deepen the contact and she felt his chuckle against her mouth.

* * *

"BARRY!"

Iris sat up in bed, her chest heaving, her eyes scanning the darkness for any sign of him.

The door flew open and her dad and Wally ran inside; Joe had his gun drawn and Wally clutched a baseball bat. Both of them scanned the room before lowering their weapons. Joe scrubbed a hand down his face and put the safety on his gun.

"Baby, it was just a dream. Barry – he's gone."

Iris swallowed back the tears as reality once again crashed around her. Barry in the chamber, being injected with chemicals and then struck with lightning and then- nothing. He was gone. Presumed dead.

That had been twenty days, nine hours, and six minutes ago.

Zoom had completely taken over Central City. The Wests had moved into Star Labs for their own protection and to try and come up with some sort of plan of attack but so far had come up with nothing. Iris refused to give up. She had promised Barry that they would find a way, even without his powers, to stop Zoom.

Every time she closed her eyes, she dreamed of him. The dreams started out pleasant – in fact, he seemed to be reaching out, trying to tell her something but before they could touch or even fully make contact, the dream would change and she'd be back in the chamber room watching him die, watching him vanish before her eyes.

"He's not dead, Dad."

Wally leaned the bat against the wall. "I think it's time to face facts, Sis. It's been three weeks. What if he's-"

"NO!" Iris yelled, jumping out of her narrow cot. "You don't know him like I do! We're-" she swallowed. "We're connected. If Barry was gone, really gone, I'd know."

Joe came close and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Sweetheart, I don't want to face it either, but Wally's right. I think it might be time-"

She broke away from her Dad's hold. "I can't believe you. First you didn't believe Bear's story about the man in yellow-"

"Iris! He was a ten year old kid-"

"A ten year old kid that happened to be right! And he was there that night too – as an adult!"

Wally frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"Not now, Wally."

"Hey, no more secrets, remember? I can't believe you guys didn't tell me that Barry was the Flash."

Iris snorted. "Hey, at least you were only in the dark for a couple of months – I didn't find out for a whole year!"

Wally blinked. "Wow."

"Yeah, wow. Dad takes overprotectiveness a bit far."

"That's a Dad's job." Henry spoke from the doorway and Iris turned to see him standing in the shadows.

"I'm sorry, did my screaming wake you?" Iris crossed the floor to give him a hug.

Henry held her tight. "I promised Slugger I'd look after you. He loved you so much, Iris."

The tears threatened to fall again as she pulled back. "He loves both of us –" she pulled away and looked at her Dad and brother. "All of us."

Cisco wandered into the room, licking a lollipop. "Hey, what's this? A slumber party and no one invited me?"

"Cisco! Just the one I wanted to see!" Iris threw an arm around his shoulders.

"Why?" he asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"Because I need you to tell me how your vibing works."

* * *

Cisco listened to Iris without interrupting and without telling her she was crazy. But when she was done, he shook his head. "You're talking about dreams, Iris. I really don't see the connection-"

She interrupted him. "How does your vibing work – is it like dreaming?"

"No, it happens when I'm awake. I touch something – but the last couple of times I haven't been which is really weird and totally freaks me out-"

"Cisco!"

"Sorry."

"What happens next?"

"Well, then I see the meta."

"You mean like a vision or a dream?" Iris smiled.

"It's not a dream if you're awake – and it's more like a nightmare."

"But I really think Barry is trying to make contact with me – or starting to and then I slip into the nightmare of him dying." She stopped as the emotion clogged her throat.

"Iris," Cisco set the lollipop down. "Do you know how many times I've tried to get a vibe off Barry's suit?"

She shook her head.

"Me neither – I've lost count. As much as you, and Henry, and Joe, and Harry, and I don't want to face it, I'm afraid Barry might really be-"

"No." Iris shook her head violently.

Cisco reached out and grasped her hands in his. "I know it's-" he gasped as the contact sent an electric shock through him and his eyes slammed shut.

"Cisco, what is it? Are you- do you see him? Do you see Barry?"

Cisco's eyes flew open. "I saw him. I saw him!" He jumped up and grabbed Iris in a hug. "But I have no idea where he is."

* * *

The next eight hours were the longest of Iris West's life.

Cisco woke a very grumpy Harry who cursed and swore and said that some people still slept at night. That is until Cisco told him that he had vibed Barry. Harry then shouted for Jesse and soon the whole Flash team was assembled in the main room at two-thirty in the morning to debrief while Iris made a huge pot of coffee.

Harry and Jesse theorized that Barry was trapped in the Speed Force and quickly caught Cisco up on what exactly that was – while Joe, Wally, Iris, and Henry watched from the sidelines.

"It's like they're speaking a foreign language known only to them," Wally muttered under his breath.

Iris smiled. "Barry used to get excited and talk like this, remember, Dad?"

Joe nodded and pulled Iris close. "It's good to see you smile, Baby girl."

She hugged her Dad. "He's alive, Dad. Cisco saw him and they're going to figure out a way to get him back, I know it."

"I have to go check on the city."

Iris hugged him tight. "Please be careful, Dad. I don't know what I'd do if-"

He kissed her forehead. "You know I'll be careful, but I need to keep working, relieve my fellow officers. I can't hide down here."

She nodded. "Maybe I should check in at work."

Henry and Joe both protested and Iris backed down in the face of not one but two fathers.

"Henry, you make sure she stays down here with you, all right?" Joe pointed a finger at the other man.

Henry grinned. "I'll watch our girl, Joe."

Iris rolled her eyes but the smile was tugging at her lips. Was this going to be her life now? Two fathers trying to boss her around and tell her what to do?

She and Wally watched the team work for a while before exhaustion overtook her. "I'm going back to bed."

"Really? I think they're close to a solution," Wally whispered to her.

Iris smothered a yawn. "Wake me when they have one."

He nodded and turned his attention back to watching the team, especially Jesse.

* * *

Iris had no idea what time it was when she opened her eyes. Day and night had lost all meaning when one lived underground. She had just rolled to her other side to go back to sleep when the floor shuddered underneath her feet. Heart racing, she bolted out of bed and dashed to the wall safe, keying in the code and grabbing her gun just as the floor shook, nearly knocking her to her knees. Was this Zoom? Was he attacking the Lab? Or a large part of the City? She needed to get to the main section of the lab to some monitors to find out what was going on. Iris raced out of her sleeping quarters, down the curved hallway and up a short flight of stairs to the main room. She skidded to a stop in front of the monitors on Cisco's desk, scanning them until she found the one that was in the room that Barry vanished in – and gasped. The team was assembled in there and it looked like they were trying to recreate the experiment, or part of it, anyway. _This was their plan to bring Barry back? To get themselves killed?_ Holding back a snarl, she left her gun on the desk before running back down the hall.

There was a whoosh of air and lightning and suddenly there he was in front of her, a slightly sheepish smile on his face. She skidded to a stop in the hallway and stared at him, her mouth slightly agape, at a loss for words.

"I'm okay, Iris."

Hearing his final words to her repeated again nearly a month later galvanized her into action. Iris flew into his arms, wrapping her own around his neck. "You're sure?" she breathed, pulling back to look into his eyes.

Barry grinned and lifted one of her hands to his chest. "Here – feel that? Still beating."

A sob escaped her mouth. "It's really fast."

He dropped her hand to cradle her face in his hands. "It's normal for the Flash."

She smiled. "You should have said that the first time."

He sobered. "I wanted to – but I didn't have a name then. I also didn't know what was happening to me and-"

She stretched up to her tiptoes. "Please just-"

His lips covered hers and she pulled him flush against her, grinning when he moaned.

"Hey, hey, hey now! Break it up!" Cisco called as he marched down the hall, a Cheshire grin on his face. He slapped a hand on each of their shoulders as they broke apart. "Don't you know the Flash has an earth to save? He can't be distracted with any hanky panky right now. Geez."

Barry leaned close to Iris' ear as Cisco went whistling down the hall. "I love you, Iris."

Before Iris could answer, Joe and Henry came around the curve in the hallway and saw him. Barry was instantly in the arms of his two fathers, and Iris backed up to lean against the wall, tearing up at their reunion. When his eyes sought out hers a few minutes later, she mouthed: _I love you too. Welcome home, Bear._

* * *

 _A/N: Aw, sweet Iris/Barry fluff. I loved the scene where Iris admitted her feelings for Barry on the show - except for the part where he let her walk away and he didn't say anything, let alone kiss her! So I had to 'fix' that scene in here! I hope you enjoyed and please press the button and review!_


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